7/07/2010

Nesting

Getting out of bed in the morning helps prevent my panic attacks tremendously. I woke up this morning about 9am, took a shower and felt good enough to start cleaning the house. Once a month I think I get in that "nesting", cleaning mode. I'm trying to log it so I can look back and compare.

I had my 1/4 tablet of Klonopin about 10:30am. I had gotten out of the shower this morning and felt hot. My face felt like it was really red and I immediately thought "fever". I calmed down and cleaned the entire house while watching three hours of back to back Desperate Housewives. Can you believe I've never watched this show? Actually, I watched a couple of episodes when the show was in it's prime and I didn't like it. I generally don't like mainstream, over-hyped things - BUT I usually end up liking them later! Eeek, please God, don't let me like Lost later in life.

About 5pm I finally laid down on the bed and started watching TV, while checking email, work stuff, etc. My heart started racing and pounding. I wanted to take another Klonopin, but I didn't. I ate dinner and tried to calm myself without allowing myself to make it worse. Every time I panic I feel like "This is it. Something is really wrong this time." I felt like I was going to have a heart attack - again. I couldn't concentrate or think. Or get words out. I felt like my blood pressure was up, which was causing my heart to race. No matter how much I try to convince myself it's panic, I still feel like it isn't. And the worst part is, today was such a great day. I wasn't thinking about anxiety. I felt really good. And the panic comes on randomly, for no reason! Such a bitch!

And yes my Thyroid is fine. I have it checked every 6 months or so. And my sugar wasn't low. I was prescribed Atenolol, but am too scared to take it. Have you read the possible side effects?!!

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