4/17/2010

Childhood Fears - Looking Back (PCP)

Freshman year of high school was a turning point in my life. It's usually a turning point in any one's life, right? This is truly where my life changed, though. This one instance changed my life forever. Up until this point, I loved school, my friends, my parents, my life (eventually I'll rewind and cover religion fears), etc.

I had been best friends with Nicki since, roughly, 6th, 7th and 8th grade, going into freshman year. Nicki had other friends I like to call minions or followers. They had been friends for years because they lived in the same neighborhood. I also had a new friend that moved onto my street. She hated my new friend and I didn't really care for her friends because they wanted Nicki to themselves. Paula, Jennifer and I don't even remember the others. They were all bitches. My new friend, Renee, was the nicest person you could ever meet.

Before Nicki and I grew apart and she turned out to be a two-faced bitch, she had this brilliant idea to try pot for the first time. I think I agreed because I figured it was a way to get closer to her again. We also started smoking; again Nicki Chisnall's idea. Back when I was 14, I could go buy smokes; anyone could. So we used to go smoke on the racquetball courts at Arcadia High School. Sugary sweet Nicki was a black sheep. That girl had some sort of a power trip and she also made herself feel better by making everyone else feel like shit.

Nicki conned me, of all people, into finding some pot. She even gave me the connection; Candice's brother. I don't know why I had to buy it. It was her idea! She knew my parents were the strictest parents on the entire planet, too. I was terrified!

So this bitch talks me into trying pot for the first time, making it sound like it was some sort of special pact all of us girls would do together and remember forever. So I end up with the pot, and everyone else changes their mind. Jennifer Mocerino and Amy Wells somehow got involved and offered to "hold" the pot so my parents wouldn't find it. I figured they just wanted to score some free pot, so I gave it to them. They could have it.

Before I gave them the pot, and after everyone bailed on me, I tried a bong hit with my "dealer" Candice. I went to Candice's after school, she taught me how to use a bong, I ran around the apartment complex for a bit, laughing, and then my mom picked me up after work. I believe Jennifer came over to pick the pot up. I don't remember.

Jennifer and Amy have an idea to go to the movies on a Friday night where we can all smoke the pot in an alley and then go see a movie. We sat in a dirty alley where they found a coke can, poked holes in the side, bent the can in half a little, sprinkled some pot on top, lit it and held the can opening to my mouth. I remember thinking that this sure was a ghetto way to smoke marijuana. I also remember they kept making me smoke hit after hit and they didn't smoke any. I just remember thinking it was strange. I wasn't even really good friends with these girls. I was losing my best friend and I guess I felt lonely. You know, peer pressure, blah, blah, blah.

The movie theater is crazy busy. We go to wait in line and that's when it happens. I freak the f--k out. Everything starts repeating itself. Jennifer looks over at me and says "So what movie are we going to see?" And that sentence loops over and over for about 40 times, where everything repeats itself, until I ran out of the theater line. They chase me behind a garbage can where I now think they are demons. I start pinching myself, tearing at my skin because I can't feel myself. I then start pinching and grabbing at them, screaming at them that they feel like rubber. I then scream that they aren't real. I'm hysterical.

Somehow they get me to calm down and get my back in the line. I start hallucinating again and sit down in the middle of the line at the booth, when an officer comes over and asks me if everything is okay. Jennifer then tells the policeman that I was upset and my boyfriend had just broken up with me. At that point, I was freaking out so badly, I walked straight into the theater where they ask for my ticket stub. "I already gave it to you guys!", I screamed. The girl, scared, let me pass.

I don't remember what movie we were suppose to see, but I walked into Dances with Wolves and sat down. "We aren't suppose to see this movie, Tiffany. Let's go!", they whisper. I sat on the isle chair, grasping it with all of my strength, closing my eyes in order to not see anything else frightening. I wouldn't say a word.

However long later it was, the movie was deliberately stopped, the lights came on and about 6 firemen came in to take me out. I thought they were demons wearing hoods and black masks. I thought they were trying to take me to sacrifice me to the devil. So I held on, with all of my might, to the movie chair, as it took all 6 to pry me out of it. I was taken out by stretcher to the ER.

Before Jennifer and Amy disappeared with the pot, they called my mom to tell her I was taken to the hospital in an ambulance and didn't know why. Bitches.

The hospital was another story. Apparently with PCP, people may have the ability to show extra incredible strength. I definitely was stronger. I still thought I was going to be tortured and while they wanted to pump my stomach, I clamped my mouth as tight as I could and wouldn't open it. They had no idea what was wrong with me and I refused to talk. In fact, I pretended to be passed out, while super humanly clamping my mouth shut. Makes sense.

You name it and it happened. I thought my doctor was Jesus. They thought I was insane. I was about to be sent to a mental institution. I think my preacher was there telling me that I was going to hell. My mom showed up and said she may send me away. I imagined needles that were two feet long and nurses holding them in front of my face. I hallucinated the doctors and nurses making fun of me. It was an actual nightmare and I thought I'd never wake up from it.

After they finally managed to pump my stomach and clear my system with IVs, I started to come out of it. The doctor told me that I had PCP in my system. Police and doctors said I was a guinea pig. I don't remember what happened after that, who got in trouble or what happened to Jennifer and Amy. I didn't go to school for a few days, but when I got back, everyone was concerned. I even heard that people wanted to kick the dealer's ass. I just wanted it to be over with, so I just didn't talk about it anymore.

And this is the other 50% of why I am afraid to take any medicines or drugs. And this is why I am firmly against the legalization of marijuana.

This happened 20 years ago and even writing this post today makes my heart race with anxiety.

"Farewell to old friends
Let's raise a glass to the bitter end
Farewell to old friends
Will you be the same when we see you again
"

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